Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Part One Understanding Me being We ... Control Theory...

There is a Door and Here is One of the Keys

Understanding Me
Being We

It is learning how to make those choices you never understood you had or could make before. All healling manuals point out ... regaining choice(s) ... that leads us to a sense of choice ... a sense of power and freedom.

William Glasser's

Choice Theory
Control Theory

Rocks are Hard and Waters Wet
That is True Everywhere
A Test for Truth

This is very powerful concept
when considered from within the nature of family/systems dynamics.

Mary Lynne Fuller, is been fully trained in Choice and Control theory and has been practicing working this dynamic now for many years ...

Neil Tubb uses the concepts that Glasser outlines for years in his practice also ...

At the base of the concept is understanding that we all have needs and we are driven to attempt to satisfy them, and this need is in the back ground contantly quietly at work ...

Wm Glasser was the man who first put the concept all together in one place at one time ... and the nice thing about the whole thing is it works ... What he struck upon in conceptualizing this approach is Key in Family and Personal Dynamics with in a social and or family system ... Why We Tick The Way We Do ... What it really boils down to under it all is: "If you can understand the monster you are up against then maybe you can do something about it but if you can't ... your stuck."

Understanding and appreciating the depth of these concepts is essential in coming to terms with
Glasser also believed in the importance of classroom/group/family meetings that are held for communication purposes and for problem solving. In the classroom meetings context, it is important for teachers/therapist to help students/clients envision a Quality Existence in their life they want to have. Then plan the choices they have to make and the direction they will have to go in so they can in fact end up at their vision of how things need to be.

Under Glasser’s strategy, as the therapist/teacher would hold discussions with clients/students and when introducing new topics and ask them to identify what they would like to explore in depth within the context of what he is introducing. As part of the process, these people need to explain why the material that is being introduced is valuable in their life.

Glasser's Premise
People are Driven by Six Basic Needs Fulfilment Categories.

His presumption is that all of our choices and behaviours are based upon the urgency we feel for the needs fulfilment of any of these needs or any combination of these needs: It is also understood that the power behind the necessity of fulfilling these needs can be for some of the most powerful force any one of us might experience ...  They Are:

We are All Driven by The Necessity to fill Our Primary Needs
They Are: 

• SURVIVAL ... Food shelter clothing ... basic needs ... personal safety ... making sure the species carries on ... etc ...

• POWER ... who am I ... how am I ... what am I ... what is it that I need to do to be me ... My competence in my life ... My significance to me and to the rest of the world ... Am I a Shadow person ... Do I have a Sense of Self?

• BELONGING ... I need to belong someplace ... have my rightful place in the universe ... "Where do I belong" ... it goes in the company of Who Am I Really ... Love is important ... Loving is important ... I need to love and I need to be loved ... this needs to be acknowledged both publicly and privately ... it is by necessity a two way street ...  

• FREEDOM ... To experience and explore me ... to be able to explore both who I am and where I am ... so I can explore the face of this existence ... so I can have an outlet for the Four "C's"... My Creativity, My Caring, My Communications, and My Community needs ...

• FUN ... probably the most important right after Survival ... to have it and enjoy and it ... to refresh me in my place and help me to lift me up to face tomorrow ...

With Needs Satisfaction

There Are

Two Basic Approaches

We are all driven to fill these needs one way or another. It is the undercurrent of all our behaviours. These needs will be met by either a positive approach or negative approach ... When I use an negative approach it will be to my detriment ... and often at someone else’s expense ... When I approach this from a positive place it causes me to invest in me and thus causing a growth ... It then follows that I am invested in me ... and this investment in me creates growth from within ... socially, psychologically, spiritually ... emotionally ...

From the front door ... positive ... the only expense here is to me ... this is my investment into me.

From the back door ... negative ... I do this at the expense of others and don't really invest in me ... thus remain slightly outside of myself ... As James Joyce said, "Mr Duffy lives a short distance from his body."

Glasser asserts that 95% of all discipline problems are the misguided efforts of people (children primarily and initially) ... trying to achieve a sense of self/power ... The business of not having a sense of power is a learned phenomena and usually experienced initially ... early on in life. Now the classic aspect is that once learned, this misguided effort transfers into our Deep Core Belief Structure. then that behavour claims its place in Our Way of Doing Things. Then quietly moves forward with the individual into their adult life and slowly and deliberately wreaks havoc in their lives ... (called the Adult Children Syndrome) ...

Thus the business of trying to achieve a sense self/power in one's adult life can, doesn't have to, but can become an obsessive/compulsive expression of childhood neediness and unmet needs that stems from the deep core belief structures. In the more extreme circumstances this is expressed as personality disorders that can be coupled with addictions, obsessions and compulsions.

Thus when one reaches out into life for adult relationships, the relationships so formed become a sounding board for buried pain and the repressed core issues and that is when all hell will break loose ... So it follows that if one only tries to resolve the relationship problem(s) and the core belief issues are never dealt with ...that is ... they remain quietly in the deeper and darker recesses of the mind, they will rise again at another inopportune time to keep the individual from having the very thing they want ... a loving relationship with another human being ...

What one has to do is: take hold of what they are doing in the present. Then come to understand that they are being driven by parts of their past ... then come to terms with knowing they can act differently ... and finally, understanding there are deep forces at work here when our basic needs not being met ... Then begin the process of meeting those needs from the adult prospective and not the child's ...

Note: in negative approaches to finding needs satisfaction one of the most common indicators is that it is being done at Someone Else's expense ... if he would only or if she could just ... this one is very important to understand ...

If a child can't find the sense of power to identify themselves as an individual, then they will be on a life long journey of attempting to establish that Sense of Self ... One of the inherit problems in this is that it is the child's needs that are in question not the adult ... Hence Adult Children Syndrome ... it can and usually does become a very ugly tread mill ...

By understanding the drives for SURVIVAL, POWER, LOVE, BELONGING, FREEDOM, and FUN in people, we become more conscious of the need for our world to be a Quality World of our choosing.

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