Saturday, September 28, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Over and over, I have followed my own advice on what I think I should do and how I think I should do it. Each time “It Came Up The Same”, I have failed.
There are times when the desperation inside of me becomes so overwhelming; I don’t think I can go on for another moment.
But as I quiet my mind and close my eyes I notice, for the first time in years, that there is a part of me that remembers the truth of whom I am. It speaks to me in a voice that is neither male nor female and reassures that all is not for naught.
Imagine that, from deep inside a Voice Of Sanity, a reassurance, comfort and truth. This is a Voice that I recall from my childhood, soft and certain, It reminds me of my Maker and It tells me I am part of all that is. One with! I am part of the plan too and I belong, no longer left out.
"No Child of God can be less than perfect."
There is warmth and a comfort that comes over me as I sense this Presence deep within me. Oh, It is hard to discern at first, but each time I acknowledge It to be alive and well within me, I feel It grow and become more pronounced and defined, and more a part of my life.
I feel the pieces of me beginning to come home from their hiding places and take their rightful place within me.
The missing parts of me are beginning to fall into place, as if some giant hand is now beginning to put me, the jigsaw puzzle, back together again.
Experience Has Taught Me
That I know that I have many avenues open to me and it really is a simple decision
A or B
Choose the new and unfamiliar, take the risks and begin to experiment with something that I have discovered within me, something totally new and unfamiliar
Do it the old way and take one more step towards death.
Which will I choose?
“A Power Greater Than Me” to me means:
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
It has been my belief since my earliest memory that “I am alone and my world is a dangerous place”.
My life seems to affirm this to me daily.
I have found that I can only acquire the relief and happiness that I think I want by doing something, getting something and or consuming something.
There are times when I feel I am so desperate, lost and alone.
I have learned that when my best efforts fail me, I have gathered habits along the way that I can depend on. These habits are creations from outside of me and they are "magical". They take their form as substances, actions or facilities, things that I use daily just to get by on.
I know that I can always reach out to them and rely on them. It is sad but true that these “magical” chattels are my addictions, obsessions and/or compulsions.
As I still my thoughts and close my eyes, I begin to realize that I have placed the scant shadow of my faith in a place and on activities that are misbegotten.
I am beginning to admit to myself that my beliefs are not really true. The various forms of my beliefs, my addictions, obsessions and/or compulsions are devices that have only brought me pain.
I am admitting that I have no control over them. In fact; I have given them all my power.
I also notice that they have no power of their own.
They sit there like lifeless forms, shadows or ghosts, awaiting only the wind of my restlessness to stir my soul and scatter them.
I admit that I have been insane and I wonder about what may lie before me as I begin my journey toward finding the world of my sanity.
Experience Has Taught Me
That I am out of control
I know I am not happy.
I know that my beliefs have not and cannot make me happy.
I know I must find “different” to be happy.
Where will I look?
What will I see?
And who will help me?