Thursday, February 16, 2017

Zen and the Lost Art of Motherhood

A Simple Truth of the Way of Things[1]

It is a given that every child has a legitimate need to be noticed, understood, taken seriously, and respected by their mother. 
This is beautifully illustrated in one of Donald Winnicott’s images: the mother gazes at the baby in her arms and the baby gazes at his mother’s face and in the process finds himself therein. 
This is only possible provided his mother is really looking at the unique, small, helpless being in her arms and not projecting her own expectations, fears and plans for the child onto the child.  If she, is then the child will not find himself in his mother’s face, but rather his mother’s projections.
This child is left without a mirror of self. 
He or she needs their mother to reflect them back to themselves. 
If this does not happen, if the child is left without a mirror, then for the rest of their lives they will be seeking this mirror in vain. Thus we search in vain through our partnering to find the lost and missing reflection that was missed in childhood.

Extracted from Into The Light ... available on

[1] Adapted from Alice Millers Drama of the Gifted Child

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Denial of the Five Freedoms

Deny Feelings
This Is A Defense Strategy
It Keeps the Unwanted Away
This set of rules keeps us in a place where we can appear to be having a good time while at the same time deep down inside, we are scared half to death about things we can’t even imagine or really clearly remember.
Deny anything that might stir up feelings such as perceptions, thoughts, wants and imaginings and especially things that have been predetermined to be negative like fear, loneliness, sadness, hurt, rejection and dependency needs.
This theme is a variation on the rules of Perfectionism and brings us back to the first tenet of Perfectionism:
No Rule Takes Us To Hopelessness Any Faster Than This One.”
This rule dictates that: “You Should Not Think, Feel, Desire, Imagine, See Or Hear The Way You Do, You Have To Do It The Way The System Demands You Do.”
In other words, it is imperative to know the rules of Normal at my house, my work etc and then live my life adjusting my reality to suit the rules of the road. And I have to do this regardless of my thoughts, wishes and desires.

Available on 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Willing To Be Free

Willing To Be Free

If you are willing to be free, then the Pattern you are living and working in conjunction with a Higher Power, will reveal freedom to you. 
·      IT may come in strange ways from places you would least expect it, but it will be shown to you. 
·      IT will be yours to act on and you will know what to do and how to do IT, probably even where to do IT; when to do IT is always left up to you.  You may not like what is revealed, but there IT will be, staring back at you, waiting for you to do something with IT.
An imprisoning idea is any idea that inhibits your enjoyment of your abundance and or the expression of your creativity or the full experience of God's joy.
Your abundance, or the expression of your creativity, or the full experience of God’s joy, may seem different, but their effect is the same. 

Extracted from Into the Light ... 
Neil Douglas-Tubb, 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Here Is An Interesting Fact Of Life

Here Is An Interesting Fact Of Life
For me to touch them … they have to be touching me. 
Most people never notice this one.
For my life to be focused and centered in reality … and in reality is the key word phrase here … I had to be real.  So it follows if I am to be real:
If I can come in contact with them … and conversely … they with me … I have to consider that I might not be destroyed by the contact with them.
My conundrum was that I was afraid … I was hiding … I was hiding in plain sight deep inside my own skin. The real me was far below the surface of my metaphorical pond … holding its breath, hiding in the depths, while appearing to be somebody, anybody at the surface …
Now here is my problem, if I wanted to have the life I said I always wanted to have, I had to at least come to the surface where the skin meets the air and be present and accountable for a period of time. 

Being Real Counts
Anywhere It Happens
… But When It Happens
Where The Skin Meets The Air...
That Is Profound
Extracted from Into the Light ... Neil Douglas-Tubb