Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Maybe it’s not for me?
That’s just your mind rationalizing and attempting to set up blocks to pain it anticipates … it knows it is right up there just waiting to jump out at you and hurt you all over again.
The truth of the matter is that this pain that we are attempting to rationalize our way around is really right out there in front of us … forming all our fears ... actually … it acts like a traffic cop, trying to organize how you think and how you should act and where we could go, who we could do it with and what to do when things become too much for us to handle, or so we sometimes think.
Sort of like, here … think me, I’m your worse fear … think me … I’m real …now do this … it doesn’t matter … this is all that will work … think me … I’m real… do this now or die.
The fear simply just sits there … waiting for us to make a move, but in this step our job is just to sit there and stare back … and notice, that’s all … notice and admit … but mainly notice … notice what it is that has held you prisoner all these years.
There will be many times during this process when you will feel anxious and afraid … and you may end up wondering what to do next.
Well … what to do next is simple … just follow the directions given in the step … with another person … that you trust … in the presence of what you have come to believe is your Higher Power … just examine and reveal … that’s all … just examine and reveal … Uncover … Discover … Discard
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
This is a much deeper and a more profound spiritual event.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
2. Then simply begin a sentence with “I resent so and so” and don’t take the pen off the page until the thread is complete. Now the subject may seem to change often as the thread unwinds. It may not seem to be connected. Simply write on and on until the proverbial spool is empty, until you are empty. What I discovered as I did this purging on paper was that it often went on for 26 to 30 pages. Then it often took days before I was ready to write again. Not that it was traumatic . . . oddly enough it was not - I was just empty. Of course there were those times when the tears came, and when that happens, just let it happen.
3. In rotation, choosing one of the umbrella topics, and write about you and what happened to you or about those who influenced you from each of the four perspectives, and know that you will probably do so many times before the well is dry. You may have to visit each one many times.
4. It is imperative that you ask for assistance with Step Five.
5. Step Five requires the outside help of another living, breathing human being by its very nature. It is suggested that you find someone whom you can trust, possibly someone who will not be going through the rest of your life with you, like a priest or member of the clergy or your therapist as your helper or listener.
6. It is also suggested that you have someone else, a sponsor, someone who can be there just to bounce things off and to ask questions of when there is a need as you go through the process of developing your Step Four. Both are important.
7. Often as not, there will be things in Step Five that you will feel should never see the light of day, but to cleanse them, it is an absolute must that they be exposed to the light of day. Sometimes it is too difficult to reveal things with a sponsor or therapist. Choose a neutral third party who is well aware of the necessities of Step Five. Someone who, when you have completed your Step Five work, you can walk away from and leave it all behind.
8. The symbolic gestures are just as important as the work of the step. You may find that your Step Five individual may have a ritual or two that he or she suggests to you as follow through for completion of the step. Do them, it is important. There are many who are trained for precisely this function and if need be your therapist or counselor can assist you in setting yourself up with someone appropriate.
9. Take the time to research and come to an understanding of how different aspects of the recovery movement handle a fourth and fifth step. Attend some open AA meetings or some Al-Anon and NA meetings. All conduct what they call open meetings. Phone numbers are available in the yellow pages.
10. As a suggestion, after you have completed the day’s writing or even after you have allowed several days to pass following a session of writing, go back through the writing and pull out who/what happened and look for the patterns and how those patterns affected you both then and now.
11. Look for the legacy that Susan Forward suggests in her book Toxic Parenting, should be there, the ghost monsters and demons of Xmas past.
12. Ask yourself regularly, “What is the legacy?” Look for patterns! Always be looking for, “How am I complicit in my own pain?” and “What patterns have been established that contribute to my pain, my loneliness, etc.”
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
in the water, the old man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the master asked, "How does it taste?"
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
When you attempt to become separate from what seems to give you pain, and please notice that I said ‘from what seems to give you pain’, and you do this by making “others” or “it” the wrong thing to do ... or ... being the bad one, or by knowing what is right and proper for everyone else ... always by being the peace keeper, or the hero, or the scapegoat, or by medicating your feelings with drugs and alcohol or distractions, you usually develop a life style based upon projection. You may twist reality to suit your need to be right etc. and justify your behaviour by making others wrong to justify your position, thought or activity.
Taking back these projections often requires the loving confrontation and support of group and/or family members, friends and business partners, your spouse or a therapist.
The projections tend to fall away slowly, often as not very slowly until finally enough of the denial is removed and the truth of who you and who others really are, is revealed to you.
Projection Make Perception
Projection occurs when you see split-off parts of yourself in other people ... You may not recognize them in yourself; they are hard to see. When you are protecting yourself from seeing those spilt-off parts of yourself, you may have trouble distinguishing between your internal world (fantasy) and the external world (reality). Things often as not, get very confusing and certain desperation seems to set up that drives compulsive behaviours.
Projection is complicated by the fusion of co-dependency and inability to feel and act separate from other people ... By seeing in others the very qualities that you refuse to acknowledge in yourself, this can allow you to continue on in your denial and delusion while at the same time avoiding taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings and for taking charge of your life.
Another important characteristic of the split-off parts is that the more they are ignored or denied, the more strength they gain as demonstrated by:
1. You may act out the part unexpectedly. For example, if your anger is split off, you may erupt in a fit of anger. It "happens to you" without you having much awareness.
2. Someone may act out the part for you.
Split-off parts are always outside your awareness.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Each of us, in turn, must go to a place and stand in front of The Mythical Full-Length Mirror of Self, if we are in fact to heal. It is a place where we come to know and see probably for the first time just how much “stuff” we really carry and how it drags us down and holds us from our future. The one we were intended to have.