Friday, February 14, 2014
Here is the observation I had noticed a long time ago; happiness is not something that happens randomly. This thing has form and it follows rules and they seem to be:
· Happiness does not happen because of good luck or because the fickle finger of fate picks you out for some grand event. No one is special and conversely no one is non-special.
· Happiness is not something that can be purchased nor can it be controlled or for that matter caused to occur on command by some grand authority. Although many have tried.
· Happiness does not depend on the world about us, although conversely the world about us can affect some of the various outcomes of its occurrences.
· Happiness seems to be more an interpretation of the world both about us and within us, with all of this being taken in some sort of strange mix or recipe that is constantly changing and is difficult to replicate. The formula might not work the second time the way it did the first time.
· Happiness, in fact, seems to be a condition that we must be prepared for, that we must cultivate and nurture, and then be prepared, if necessary to defend, but not from a place of unity but rather from a place of deep privacy¾as an individual.
· The variations on the happiness formulas seem to be more effective with those people who have learned to work with inner experience(s). It seems that they will, to a certain degree, be able to determine the quality of their lives as it relates to having or not having happiness.
· The ability to determine the having or not having of the presence of happiness seems to be as close as any of us can come to causing happy to happen. It can be a conscious decision to be or not to be, pardon the pun, but not always.
· It also seems a given that we cannot reach happiness by consciously searching for it. The very effort of trying to search for it seems to defeat our every effort to have or possess it. Happiness cannot be owned; it can only be experienced.
· Happiness seems to be the process of being fully involved with every detail of your life, subjectively not objectively.
· The key statement in describing the process of being involved in life seems to be as completely as possible, and completely as possible does not seem to depend on any opinion or definition of what is good or bad or how those cognitive markers of good or bad are held in the mind of the beholder. Just because you are prepared to fight to the death for your beliefs doesn’t mean they are true.
· Happiness seems to occur because of the intensity of the involvement with life and not in the outcomes that intensity seems to want to provide so that it could be easily seen and judged by others.
· Degree of intensity of the involvement necessary to induce happiness will vary from individual to individual as well as from situation-to-situation. Thus it follows that degrees of intensity i.e. very intense to mildly intense are not markers that can determine the outcome of creating happiness. It is just a necessary factor that varies from time to time.
· The Laws Of Paradox seems to affect the outcome of having some or not; for instance: don't aim for it because the Laws Of Paradox will tend to cause you to increase the size and shape of the target you have set for yourself and then at the same time cause you to miss with greater frequency. Something like Chinese handcuffs, the harder you try the more difficult it becomes.
· Happiness and success cannot be pursued for their own sake.
· Happiness and success, to be most effective must sneak up from behind and envelop us ... It is something that happens to us while we are busy doing something else … as the inadvertent, unintentional after-effect of our efforts to simply get on with the business of being ourselves and by doing whatever is next simply because it is there and needs to be done. Then this seems to need to be taken into consideration with the effort made by the individual to be willing to work in the shadow of his or her spiritual self and then deliberately attempting to work with the spiritual forces of the Greater Way of Things.
· Again paradox. The Art of Trying Not to Try.
· So how can we reach this elusive goal that cannot be attained by a direct route? My practice and practices of the past 20 or so years has convinced me that there is a way.
It is a circuitous path of going nowhere the long way in search of someone who was not lost and there all along … You. And it can only begin with a willingness by the participant to want to make the journey.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Using a recovery Plan
Now is the time to begin to think about specific problems or conditions; things that need to change or be improved upon. In your journal list these conditions, and create specific goals for each of the conditions or problems. Put it down on paper what you want to have happen with these problems. Note how it - they - relate to your life now. What changes can be made now; and how life would be after you made those changes. Make it happen.
Next is the action part - Just how do I plan on getting from A to B. Map it out!
What do you really have to do? Lay it out in a format. It helps to do a diagram.
Healing from co dependence is an ongoing set of circumstances and the application of new skills that are acquired over time. For some it is an ongoing process for life. It can depend on the nature and the degree of trauma abandonment issues at the core level. This statement may not be taken as disheartening or encouraging but and I stress but, it is not a reflection of you or on you. Remember our refrigerator insight.
"This is not about who I am -This is about what happened to me” and eventually it will be about what I do with life as it arrives on my door step not what it does to me on the way by.
The journey of recovery is the experience of learning how to have my feelings and not my feelings having me. From Reactive To Responsive. The use of a recovery plan speeds the healing process and gives you and your fellow group members and therapist useful markers and insights.
When you feel that you have completed a phase of your recovery plan know that it is necessary to share this with others in the group, during group time. It is important to ask for validation and acknowledgment for the work that you are doing and have done. It is important to ask for support for what you are about to do.
Keep the recovery plan handy. Review it a minimum of every two weeks and revise it whenever you feel it is necessary. Share all changes. Be open to suggestion and insight others have of you. When you complete a phase rewrite it. Remember most of our pain comes from being blind-sided. That is, we are struck at some level by something we don't expect or can’t see. Yet it happens over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, my fellow group members can see something about me I can't or don't want to.
Those blind spots are the places where, if I look closely
I maybe be able to see those things I need to see to gain healing.