Neil; what a great week I've had. I saw Dr A (In Edmonton) - and sensed immediately that he was going to be able to help. I have appointments with him 4 days a week every second week for the next six weeks. I start again this Monday. He'll be working on my liver and spleen (as you suggested). I am very excited about it. He sends his hello.
And I unlocked the secret of TAI CHI - well one secret anyhow there may be more. I have been upset because they were just teaching the form and very little if any of the theory behind it. All they have really said is it is in harmony with nature. Well - 2 days - ago I was talking to my invisible friends and everything I have been learning over the past 3 years came into perspective. All these "New Age" buzz words & phrases which I do embrace and do believe and tried desperately to apply just plopped together.
In our western civilization we always teach the theory then the movement. Words, Words and more words moving us into action and we do it just because we are supposed to! In TAI CHI the movement- the form -teaches the theory!
It is the circles within the cycle! The whole exercise moves in a cycle and each movement is a circle with in a cycle. And before each new movement can begin you must return to center and be balanced. It is physically impossible to correctly begin the next step until you have returned to center. This really blew me away. From this little conclusion came the total understanding of what being in harmony with nature meant. Before I just accepted it to mean being aware and caring for the environment, being concerned about the animals etc.. But it is so much more than that - it is the circles within the cycles, absolutely everything moves in cycles, the earth, the seasons, the breath, the blood cells, LIFE - growth and no new cycle can begin until the first one is complete.
If there are no seeds there are no roots - no roots - no stem-no stem - no branches, leaves - and if there are no leaves-no seeds. It all goes from birth to decay. An incomplete cycle will hold you back, create a blockage to the new cycle and the blockage creates illness or disrupts the harmony of nature. Until the roots of childhood are fully developed the child can not mature.
Now I realize I have been trying to cheat the natural laws of nature. I have really abused my body, forcing it to keep going even when it was tired and exhausted and my body was telling me it could not keep up the pace. So instead of listening to my body I used meditation and Tai Chi to give me more energy and stamina to further my unhealthy lifestyle.
Each time it would scream for more energy I feed it cigarettes, coffee, sugar - whatever it took to jump start it into action. When the physical pain became too much I feed it pain killers. Even when the pain did bring me to my knees I constantly chastised my body for letting me down. Consequently even when my body revolted and force me to stop I gave it no peace to allow the energizing to take place.
I have perceived every moment of my life as being a battle or series of battles which must be won. Because my body has been in a constant state of alert a whole series of chemical reactions have been constantly occurring - hormones and adrenaline have been constantly released into the blood stream plus my nervous system had a hair trigger sensitivity. My body does not know how to turn off the adrenaline - this is what created the chemical imbalance that ended in depression and because I went right back to the same lifestyle, my body waged all out war - Hypoglycemia.
I have been at battle all my life. Even when I got sick I felt I had lost the battle of "wellness" which in turn put more strain on my already overtaxed system. BUT in the eyes of TAI CHI I have won the battle to make myself sick by my way of living.
I succeeded!
I succeeded in defeating my body. What a lark!
Now the question is exactly what battle am I fighting and whose side do I want to be on? I understand at least I thought I understood that body mind and spirit must work in harmony.
What I did not understand until this week is that within each of these three circles all cycles must also be in harmony. It is the same as in nature. The Moisture Cycle in nature creates or allows the plant cycle, the plant cycle feeds the animal cycle - and so on and
so on. If one of these cycles is incomplete all other cycles suffer. Just like in my body.
Now Neil - what the hell am I going to do with all this information - I am still sorting - I guess I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other - Maybe Turn the Toes In A Little so I Can Go In Circles!
Oh - another neat one - In Tai Chi you do not run away from your opponent (fear, anger) but you do not try and grab your opponent either - nor do you hold him - he is just allowed to come and go as he pleases. BINGO!
We got a hold of my daughter (travelling in California) around 12:30 the evening of the earthquake (San Fran 1989). She is fine, but says she is moving on. Where she is going - your guess is as good as mine. My personal feeling is that she should return and face life - but that is her decision to make and I will not interfere - my tongue is bleeding from biting it - but it is not my problem - so Mum butt out.
Take care
Love
Bunny
NDT: A one time client and now friend wrote this letter to me in 1989 ... she told me the story of a moment of clarity ... a moment of enlightenment ... in which she discovered one of the great secrets of life revealed through action and not words.
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