Statement of Truth
A Truth Once Gained Is The Loss of Innocence.
There were times in my life when I began to suspect that God had favorites and I was not one of them ... Always standing on the sidelines noticing that "they" got more or "they" got and I didn't ... That would frustrate me to no end ... Always wondering why "they" did and I didn't!
"Why" became an incessant tape in my mind ... always asking and never answering... Me, always imagining that something was wrong with me ... that, as it turned out, was one of my greater hurdles to over come. Getting past the concept that I had imagined that God actually had favorites ... that I was not included on His list.
Time would prove to be my mentor on this matter ... but first I had to come to terms with knowing ... where to look.
You see my point was that I considered me to be a "non- special" ... the undercurrents of that process could only be maintained if I kept a whole segment of life and society in a place called “special”. The truth of the matter was ... as I was to come to learn ... God really doesn't care who is special and who is not ... that is not His game ... His game is to provide the opportunity to come to terms with being here initially ... then develop something out of the gift of being here ... the one He gave ... all done whilst here on the face of this planet during an undetermined time frame.
On the other hand my game from the outset, was to maintain my ability to hide away from the aforementioned task at hand ... while appearing to be doing something about the same task at hand ... all smoke and mirrors on my end.
I developed the game of "special and non-special"... it was a "hand-me-down" ... one my parents utilized, and most of my neighbours used ... in fact, just about everyone, ... it was something that was preached from the pulpit, and something that was taught at my schools by some very well meaning if not miss-guided souls who really felt it was their duty to bunch us all into a line and conform us into the realities of life as they saw it ... if you actually took the time to follow the timeline that goes with this style of thinking ... their parents before them had passed it on and that went back for generations well into antiquity... the truth of the matter is that it was such a natural thing to do that really we did not notice we were doing it as we did it.
Prisoners of our own minds ... and held there by the devices of habit, socialization and culture.
You see the problem; it boiled down to not being able to see the problem. Why? Because one of the classic symptoms of the problem is that it tells the beholder of the problem that he or she really does not have a problem ... "in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary".
It Is An Insidious Soul-Robbing Thing
When I first noticed this, my strategy became to do one of two things ... "either ignore it" ... hope it would go away and go back into hiding ... that was always the strongest pull for me ... or to be responsible ... and begin the arduous task of growing up ... be prepared to leave Never Never Land ... just me and the universe and God ... working things out in some undetermined fashion ... What it seemed to be ... was me left totally to my own devices ... initially ... those devices were slim ... only the ones I arrived with ... as time went by my device bag grew ... it became the things that I had either gleaned or I learned from and with others ... who by the way also had discovered that they were here for some deeper purpose ... for most, this deeper purpose was still not clear ... but to find it we all had to come to the conclusion that we had to get off our proverbial duffs and do something with our lot in life.
So ... we banded together ... sort-of ... for periods of time and began the business of getting on with our spiritual journey.
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