Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Cheap Forgiveness

What Scott M Peck Calls “Cheap Forgiveness

I, like Peck, have noticed that many people come into the therapeutic process and announce as quickly as they can ... that ... yes ... they had difficult childhoods, and ... yes ... their parents did the best they could and that they have forgiven them for all of it.

But if the individual gives the therapeutic process enough room and time they always discover they have not forgiven anyone at all ... they are using their perspective as a diversion away from their legitimate pain.

This is what is sometimes called the Egyptian River Syndrome ... DE-NIAL.

There is a period of time where the individual will feel like they are putting their loved ones on trial. For them it really does seem that way. In actual fact, what they are doing is coming to terms with what really happened.

This is not about whom the parents or the family members are or were, or even who the individual is ... it is about what really happened ... it is about a system that really did not work ... it simply is the truth of it all ...

Most often as not it is the system that did not work.

We naturally want to assess blame ... blame helps us defend us from our legitimate suffering.

But once one get past that blaming thing, and just face the way it was ... It Is In This Space of No Active Defence Strategy Where Healing Happens ...

Blame Is An Old School Dysfunction ...
When Control Breaks Down ...
Use Blame ...

So When You Stop And Think About It,
Cheap Forgiveness Is Not So Cheap.
It Can Cost Us Our Life ...

NDT ... concept taken from Further Along the Road Less Travelled

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