22 Things .... From ... Understanding "Me" While Being "We"

22 Things

We Need To Understand

And

Accept To Make This Thing Work

1. The only person whose behaviour we have any power over is our own. We may try like hell to change others but the truth of it is We Can't ...

2. All we can give another person is information.

3. All psychological problems are relationship problems. Most easily seen in relationships ... they come out of hiding here. They are very disruptive within the bounds of the relationship ...

4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.

5. The problem becomes our working definition of normal.

6. The problem is ever present ... affecting everything we do.

7. It is insidious ... it quietly undermines who we think we are ... quietly almost unnoticed.

8. We numb out because of it.

9. We can never seem to have the relationship we want ... Oh yes we know what it looks like ... but we can never get our needs met properly ... We don't know how ...

10. What happened in the past has everything to do with what and how we are today; the problem is we can only satisfy our basic needs in the here and now. Then once that is accomplished we can plan to continue satisfying them in the future.

11. We can't go back and get our needs met. We have to grieve our losses ... in the present ... then come to terms with who and what we are today ... then learn how to met our own needs in a creative fashion ...

12. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Imagined World.

13. We have to know where to look for the clues and cues on what to do so we can escape the ritual of our past.

14. All we do is “Behave.” This one is so simple yet so hard to see ... all we do is Behave or Not Behave ... Oddly enough Not Behaving is a behaviour too ... smile

15. All Behaviours are complete in and of themselves.

16. All behaviours are made up of four basic components: Acting, Thinking, Feeling and Physiology.

17. We choose our behaviours, but we only have direct control over the Acting and Thinking components.

18. Most Important concept ... we are responsible for what we do, how we do it ... we can claim someone else made us ____________ but in actual fact we chose ...

19. We can only control our Feelings and Physiology indirectly through how we choose to Act and Think.

20. We can actually take responsibility for what we do ... when we do it ...

21. If we can do this then we can break the SPELL John Bradshaw talks about in his book "The Family"(see page 221/222 )...

22. All behaviour is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.