Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Part Three Detachment: Their Way of Things

Those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes learned to use Detachment as a coping device, and most of us learned to use it very well. It became Our Way Of Things.

This business of detaching is really a method of skimming close to boredom or anxiety and making it sound socially acceptable when in fact it is a form of dissociation and is actually a form of numbing out.
Dragging home the invisible bone in hopes of finally being noticed for my achievements in a vain attempt to gain approval from and in my family of origin can become a treadmill.

Here is the familiar family refrain:

In our family no matter how big a deal it was, they never seemed to notice.

They always found something wrong with it.

If I got all A’s and a B on my report card then B got all the attention.

Statement: “He forgot my birthday.” When the truth of the matter is he was unable to act on the birthday for fear of making a mistake.

Counter: "Oh, well, no big deal." When in fact it hurts to be forgotten by someone you hope loves and cares for you, so you diminish it and try to numb it out and pretend all is well.

A lifetime of this kind of experience, in which the deep need for recognition is routinely dishonored, teaches all that putting anything out for attention is a dangerous act and almost always a painful experience.

That is the pain of Operant Learning
Learning by Experience

Experience Teaches Us the Truth about the System it is Demonstrating ...
Not necessarily a Truth in a Life Sense.

There is a difference
And if we fall in to the trap of applying A System Truth on Life as a Whole then our perception of life as a whole is skewed and life is difficult indeed. 

This is a Life Truth 

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