We are all driven to Fulfil Our Primary Needs:
Survival, Power, Belonging, Freedom, Fun
This is combined with another subset of undercurrents of life's need to survive ...
Our Motivation For Seeking A Life Partner Is Our Deep Unconscious Urgent Desire To Heal Our Childhood Wounds. (Referred to as an Imago Match ... see Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.)
This unconscious desire for healing is combined with what I do consciously to both heal and avoid my legitimate pain at the same time:
• We Behave to Achieve the above ... I’ll be whatever it is that I think you need me to be so I can have you to fulfil my need for ... (fill in the blank) ... As I behave to achieve I pretend ... perform ... I am in competition with me and life to ...( and again fill in the blank) ...
• We Do This As Best We Can ... Translated this means by hook or by crook ... My neediness will dictate the intensity of my urgency to satisfy my needs ... we do this to achieve a match between our Real World experience and the pictures we have on how our Imagined World should be ...
This effort is combined with my basic tool bag
• The Container/Form: the techniques I use to operate in my world
• The Contents/what I use to make my techniques work
• Point of View/How I look at things
My Imagined World...
The fantasy of my reality
My World of Comparison...
The judge of my reality
My Real World...
The reality of my reality
Now with these five bundles of my reality in the mixing bowl of my life, and being well stirred I hope that the outcome will be My Real World overlapping and interchanging with My Imagined World. Then hopefully I will be happy.
There are literally thousands of hours of effort put in trying to make this happen.
... The Problem Is It Can’t Work ...
Notice that it is circular ... notice that there is the highest probability that you will end up where you started ... every time.
It has all the potential to become an insidious treadmill with no way off.
Notice how this can be depended on to define the Way of Things ... it can’t work the way you are doing it ... but there are different ways to do it!
Finally, the key to understanding that the distance between My Real World and My Imaged World is directly proportionate to the dysfunction in my life. The Larger the disparity, the larger my dysfunction and thus chaos in my life. The smaller the disparity, the more sane, peaceful, serene and joyful my life will be. As Sheryl Crow says "its not having what you want, its wanting what you've got."
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