Survival, Power, Belonging, Freedom, Fun
This is combined with another subset of undercurrents of life's need to survive ...
Our Motivation For Seeking A Life Partner Is Our Deep Unconscious Urgent Desire To Heal Our Childhood Wounds. (Referred to as an Imago Match ... see Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.)
This unconscious desire for healing is combined with what I do consciously to both heal and avoid my legitimate pain at the same time:
• We Behave to Achieve the above ... I’ll be whatever it is that I think you need me to be so I can have you to fulfil my need for ... (fill in the blank) ... As I behave to achieve I pretend ... perform ... I am in competition with me and life to ...( and again fill in the blank) ...
• We Do This As Best We Can ... Translated this means by hook or by crook ... My neediness will dictate the intensity of my urgency to satisfy my needs ... we do this to achieve a match between our Real World experience and the pictures we have on how our Imagined World should be ...
Now with these five bundles of my reality in the mixing bowl of my life, and being well stirred I hope that the outcome will be My Real World overlapping and interchanging with My Imagined World. Then hopefully I will be happy.
There are literally thousands of hours of effort put in trying to make this happen.
Notice that it is circular ... notice that there is the highest probability that you will end up where you started ... every time.
It has all the potential to become an insidious treadmill with no way off.
Notice how this can be depended on to define the Way of Things ... it can’t work the way you are doing it ... but there are different ways to do it!