Wednesday, August 14, 2013


All too many of us come from low functioning families.  Families who are no longer available to us or cannot provide us with what it is that we need.  It is an essential in recovery that we build a new family, a Family Of Creation.  This is a family of friends and parental figures, a group of individuals who give something back as well as take: a family of friends who actually care about us for who we are.  A Family of Creation can include members of our family of origin as well as people who are completely unrelated and possibly unknown to each other.  The important thing is that they know you. Remember this:
****Our intimacy problems are not about who we are but instead about what happened to us.
****We find our humanity again by exploring and finding new families and becoming more affirming and understanding of ourselves and others.
The Journey of Discovery into finding our family of creation involves:
·        Looking at helplessness to find our learned powerlessness - the very thing that phantom control tries to cover up.
·        Becoming fluid not rigid - feeling our feelings and responding to them instead of reacting to them.
·        Making meaning and purpose out of what happened to us then and now.
·        Making boundaries that eliminates those individuals who use cynicism and critical shame to control and manipulate us.
·        Stopping the "Art of  the Fine Whine" as a method of Bonding and making friends
·        Using 12 Steps as a tool for the journey of self discovery and not making them the journey itself.
·        Coming to understand that most of our adult behaviours and actions are simply reflections from our past and as such give us the opportunity to look back into our childhood and see the abuse and neglect.  Knowing that if there is unfinished business from childhood then it is nature's way to escalate the situation and feelings so they can be resolved. Healing can take place only when we know what happened and how we felt at the time of the incidents, and when we have a good working appreciation of the legacy those incidents have left us with:
·        Phobia's And Terror are windows to the frightened child
·        Depression And Isolation are windows to the hurting child
·        Self Hate And Self Hurt are windows to the shame-filled child

·        Intimacy Disorders are windows to the abandoned child

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