- One, operate the survival suit.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
On Being Special
True Confessions of A Therapist
Observations and Conversations on the Passage of Time,
With Me, Myself and God
I would like to begin this journal by telling you a bit about myself. I would like to tell you just how circuitous the journey of me finding me was for me. Just how tricky it was to begin to believe that I was actually having a life and not lost in one. (BTW once found, know this nothing is resolved, it has only just begun.)
It begins with me coming to a place of understanding that, just like everyone else who has arrived here on the face of this planet, upon arrival, I was instantly endowed with a survival suit. A body, to live in and work with for the duration of my stay on the planet.
The survival suit seems to be a requirement to be here.
This survival suit/body comes equipped with many interesting devices and processes but one of the most interesting is that it allows us to perform two major functions.
The latter was the part that was dangerous for me.
Thinking About Things, That Is
Because, over time, as I thought about it, I came to a place where I firmly believed that this is what I did best. Thought about things.
Now that does not mean that I did this ‘thinking about things’ best, it just means that I firmly believed that I did. And believe me there is a difference. Of course, with the process of thinking about things, naturally came the notion that I understood what it was that I thought I thought about.
You see the problem, don’t you?
It’s actually scary when you frame it like that.
Well, it follows naturally, that as these two aspects of my life’s predicament settled in upon me, that is, me operating the survival suit in a hostile environment and me thinking about it. As these two aspects coupled with my analysis of the my thoughts, more thinking about things, all began to weigh down upon my shoulders. So, to lighten the load, I began to make conclusions about my life and about those significant others in my life and me as I related to them and their circumstances. One of the more profound insights of supposed understanding was; “I AM” the survival suit. After all what other conclusion would you come to if you had forgotten from ‘whence you came’?
Actually, what I came to understand after a very protracted period of time thinking about it, was that I was just in my survival suit. (Oh yes, nearly forgot and nearly left that out didn’t I, from ‘whence we came’! . . . Now there is something to think about . . . really! You can sort of get lost in that one without trying too hard, if you think about it!)
Think Think Think
After three thinks quit;
You can only hurt yourself after that.
Subtle Difference In Words Worlds Apart In Process.
I believe the next key word here is ‘appear’ because like me, most put the term ‘I hope’ in front of most everything they did. I know I did. Sort of like blind faith hoping that the right thing . . . what ever that was . . . would happen and we could make safely on and into what ever is next.
The Joys of Conditional Prayer
‘I hope’ became the codicil phrase for a deeper belief structure that haunted me for most of my life. I went through life for the longest time with variations on a theme of this codicil hanging off of me or being offered up as my daily mantra. “I hope that” or “I prayer that” . . . this will happen or not happen or I could have or not have.
Remember, that after the ‘hope that or prayer that’ part, just fill in the blank(s) with whatever it is that you want to have appear in front of you or whatever it is that you would like have disappear from in front of you.
Translated This Means
“Dear God please give me a sign and finally prove once and for all that I am special.” . . . But here is the kicker, “Not in your eyes oh Lord but in mine”. There is something backward in that request and it took me years to come up on it and understand that Ready, Fire, Aim was not necessarily the way to do it, but . . .‘Dear Lord Prove To Me
Once And For All
That I Am Special’.
Simple, isn’t it, if only you’d notice!
So If You Really Want To Think
About Proving Specialness Try This.