12
Zen and the Art of Lost and Found
There Are No Time Machines To Go Back And
Fix Things, To Prevent What Happened From Happening. What Happened Is Exactly
That, What Has Happened.
There are miracles of course ... and I have
wished for more than my fair share of them. But here is the interesting twist,
I seldom stopped to notice the affect any of them had. Then I stopped and
noticed this one time, stopped and noticed the affect of a wish. It was
then that I noticed just how it was that I really wished for something ... my
particular way of doing it. What I had invested in the wish.
On Bargaining with God
I noticed that my wishing my wish did not make me
feel more separate or together or special or non-special...
When I wished what had happened to me had never
happened it was then that I realized that most of who I am today ... source
of my pride in me ... as an adult ... is a direct result of what happened
to me as a child. Who would I be today if what happened had not happened? I have discovered that it is a mistake at the
deepest level to believe that God would help or heal another and ignore me ...
even after I had invested so much time in developing a conclusion that could
conjoin my sense of self pity with my low self esteem. This ends up defining me
to both myself and the world ... by my limitations. It is a mistake to believe that
God whispers the secrets of life to His Chosen Few. I noticed
after some deep investigation of the matter ... that His Chosen Few were chosen
by themselves ... and not by Him. Oh there are many who promoted this thought,
but what I have come to understand is, those people are even more desperate and
alone then I ... and they seem to feel the absence of God in their lives more
then I do.
Neil Douglas-Tubb 2001
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