Wednesday, July 16, 2014
This starts with the individual’s sense of self and that sense of self is the by-product of very early developmental experiences.
Its clearest defining qualities are related to time and how time and interaction with affective adults was spent … with those who reflect how that individual was viewed during the child’s first 30 to 60 months of life.
On the other hand if we do not have this sense of respect instilled at a very early age ... then ... it is with great effort and difficulty that we will move through our lives.
Respect is something that is purely experiential … it can be obtained anytime … but first we must know what it is that we are looking for … and then … where it is we must search to find it. 12 Step programs help enormously ... formalized, regimented and searching. Other self help programs like A Course In Miracles or the Artist’s Way are equally as helpful in the exploration of self. The stage one and two work of recovery is often referred to as the original pain work or the family of origin. It is difficult and most will try their best to avoid it hoping that if they circle around it then it won’t bother them any longer. Scott Peck points out in the Road Less Travelled that The Way Out Is Through.
The book Iron John asks the question “Where is the Key hidden?”
One of life’s conundrums is that sooner or later we get our selves involved in attempting to make something happen … where; the solution to the problem needs a necessary ingredient of respect for the task to come to completion.
Now the complexity of life sets in because most of us don’t carry the necessary tools to cause the respect to be there as part of the solution … it somehow got overlooked … the task at hand that should not be all that difficult becomes a very difficult task.
The Basics of the concept is: A person cannot respect themselves unless he knows the truth of them.
For most the truth about us is lost back in our early begins … at times and places where we simply had to begin to pretend to be someone else other than just ourselves to be able to get along in our families of origin ... That Hurt(s).
It is also true that our every effort is to maintain the lid on this painful thing so that it does not get out and hurt us again. The problem is that (neurotic) defense strategies themselves become more painful than the pain they were masking but our only defense to pain is to build another neurotic structure … mask … false self … to protect us from the pain of our reality.
Finding our lost self-respect is a prerequisite to healing; something a kin to Peter Pan recovering his lost shadow from Wendy’s drawer.
Now we have a place to look … and a direction to go in.
Who Did You Have To Pretend To Be When You Were A Kid?