Into Many Tomorrows

So as I begin to move into the many tomorrows of the rest of my life, I notice that I have come out of a dream-like state, one that I had been in for most of my life.  Odd, being out here in the real world; I notice that I look forward to the day ahead of me.  Imagine that, looking forward to what is next. 

Strange thoughts for a person like me.

So I tidy myself up just a little and turn my focus inward to my Higher Power; I sort of combine prayer, conversation and meditation. 

I just take the time to notice and acknowledge that my God is now a part of my life and that I am part of Its Expression of the universe.  So as I acknowledge my place in God’s creation, I take the time to ask any questions about my life that I feel I need guidance on.  I toss these thoughts out into the ring and just leave them for God to deal with in Its own good time.  It is sort of like a spiritual morning shower, it refreshing.

I close my eyes and turn my thoughts to My Creator.

Acknowledging the sacredness of all things and of all people, I ask simple things like:

·       What would you have me do today?

·   Or, how can I be one of your instruments today?

·   Place before me what you would have me do and with your strength, hope and wisdom I will give it a whirl.  

Eight Lessons of Life

 1.   Have Empathy For The Source Of Your Own Pain. Who, What, Where, When and Why.

2.   Rational Thought Won't Work. My rationalization is biased by my experience. My Experience influences my best thinking, and my rational thinking is pre determined by the aftermath of my experience. So what makes sense to me might not be either sensible or reasonable, the problem is, it makes sense to me ... and there are times when I am prepared to fight to the death for it.

3.   There Is Something At Work Here That Is Beyond Me And My Self Centeredness. A Force far greater than me ... Can you imagine that. Imagine something you could not possibly imagine.

4.   Be Prepared To Re Examine Your Motives And Your Reasons As Well As Your Morals For Doing What You Do.

5.  Know this: In Order To Do Your Journey You Will Have To Confront Evil. 

6.  Never Say Never. Occam’s Razor underscores this sentiment ... “Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate” … Principle of Parsimony.

7.   You Can't Change Human Nature. The only thing you can change is Your Mind About Human Nature.

8.   Human Nature Is The Curriculum Of Life. It Is What You Do With It That Matters.

With time spent on the path there will come a time when you can return to the starting gate and see it for the first time as it really is . . . TRULY.

“With Eyes Unclouded By Longing.”

The Metaphor ... My Journey Continues

My Journey continues: I go into a curio shop and browse.  In there is an old guy that looks like he has many years of practice at besting his customers.  I’m ready for my old foe. 

My browsing pays off.  There hidden at the back of the shop is an old Group Of Seven painting being sold for the value of the frame only, $25 bucks.  It is worth thousands. 

Imagine my good fortune. How lucky can I be all in one day! I thank God for his special gift. 

I purchase it and make a beeline for the door and run.  I’m so proud of me for being so shrewd and wise and besting the old boy at his game.  Then I sense this thing beside me again. Neither male nor female, just a Presence.

I sense It there, very profound in Its silence, and I begin to recognize the truth of what I have just done.  I feel ashamed. It is healthy shame.

So back to the “curio” shop I go.  I fess up.  I tell the old fellow what a find I made hidden at the back of his shop.  I return the painting to him. I see his eyes light up with gratitude and tears.  He says to me that he has had to work all these years, long past a time when most would retire, because his grandson needed an education.  He was the only one who could possibly provide that education.  Now he can both retire and give his grandchild the education he has always wanted. 

For the first time in my life I am proud of my actions; actually proud of what I have done for this old man and for myself.  We shake hands in true friendship.

Experience Has Taught Me

That when I trust my guidance,

It will tell me what to do.

Imagine that

Guidance That Actually Works!

Have you ever won but lost yourself in the process?

Have you ever had the fortune to turn a situation around where it appeared that you had seemingly lost but really won in the long run?

Harry Chapin/Song Writer/Composer/ Sayer of Many Truths ... Here's One

All my life a circle,

Sunrise and sundown,

The moon rolls through the nighttime,

Til the day break comes around,

All my life’s a circle but I can’t tell you why,

Seasons spinning round again the years keep rollin by ...,

It seems like I’ve been here before,

I can’t remember when,

And I got this funny feeling,

That we’d be together again,

There’s no straight lines make up my life,

And all the roads have bends.

There’s no clear cut beginnings,

And so far no Dead Ends.

I found you a thousand times,

I guess you’ve done the same,

But then we lose each other,

It’s just like a children’s game,

As I find you here again,

The thought runs through my mind,

Our Love is like a circle

That goes round one more time.

All my life a circle,

Sunrise and sundown,

The moon rolls through the nighttime,

Til the day break comes around,

All my life’s a circle but I can’t tell you why,

Seasons spinning round again the years keep rollin’ by ...,

More Complicated Stuff

Exhausted, I sit here pondering, what should I do next? Sitting beside me is all my mess.  Do I attempt to tidy it up? Do I put things back the way it was?  Will that really work any longer?  What I now know is; I just have to get on with … gett’n on down the road.

As I do, I notice my step is lighter.  Not totally lightened by a long shot, but lighter then it was.  Better stop and meditate on what I just did?  What it means to me? And what is next? 

I see others on the path and they don’t have any baggage at all.  They actually seem full of life and happiness.  I begin to wish my If Only Wish; if only my burdens were gone too, then I could be just like them.  As I begin my journey into self-pity I hear the Voice again and it says to me "So you think you wish your weight should be lifted from you, do you?  I respond out loud, “Yes!”  The Voice for certainty says, “Look at yourself, look at how you hold on to your mess … you do so as if it were gold … something to be treasured."  There I was caught in the act of being my old, scared self.  Hanging on for dear life to what I imagined I thought I was. 

I now know, that if I am to move-on in my recovery, I have to let go of “My Stuff, My Hurt, My Shame and My Pain.” I notice, perhaps for the first time, that I hold this mess of mine with a death grip.

The Inner Voice of Sanity tells me that no two people do this releasing thing in the same fashion.  Some let go all at once and others do it a bit at a time.  And some do it slowly and laboriously, sometimes stretched over entire lifetimes.  And of course, some never do it.  It is all up to me, to get on with my business of me finding me. “If I can imagine,” this voice tells me, “that is the first real action I can take in having something called different”. 

I visualize myself letting go of all the trash.  The stuff I carry to identify me to me.  As I take the risk to do this act of release I feel filled with life and love.  I am relaxed.  I am ready.

Experience has Taught Me That

As I Release My Past In The Present In Hopes Of Finding My Future

That Is The Promise

Me ... Finding My Future

Now

&

Now Is The Only Time I Have To Experiment

Now the complicated Stuff

Now the complicated Stuff:

“However,” the Voice continues, “most often the kinds of pains you encounter in therapeutic attention are not indications of physical problems. They are the painful, physical manifestations of our emotional, psychological, and spiritual holdings and contractions. Call these pains “Our Muscular Armor”; they are areas of your body that you have tightened over and over in painful situations as a way to protect yourself from life's inevitable difficulties.  As you sit still and notice, your shoulders, your back, your jaw, or your neck may hurt. 

Accumulated knots in the fabric of our body, previously undetected, begin to reveal themselves as you begin to open to the process.  This is also true in meditation as well.  As you become conscious of the pain you have held, you may also notice feelings, memories, or images connected spe­cifically to each area of tension.”

“As you gradually include in your awareness all that you have previously shut out and neglected, the oddity of the situation is your mind, body and soul heals.  Learning to work with this opening is part of the Art Of Recovery.”

Spiritual Principles for Recovery

Initially, you have to focus on honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, humility, and acceptance. 

The practice of the Principle Of Honesty starts with admitting the truth about your life and circumstances and that continues with the practice of honesty on a daily, moment to moment, basis. 

q When we say, "I'm in recovery" it may be the first truly honest thing we've said in a long, long time. 

q We begin to be able to be honest with ourselves, and consequently with other people eventually. 

q Change and recovery doesn’t happen overnight.

q If I've been thinking about acting out on my stuff, I need to ask myself, “Have I shared it with my sponsor, my therapist or my group, have I told anyone else or Am I Still Keeping Secrets?”