Thursday, May 2, 2013
A Process of Unraveling
EXPERIENCE has taught us that people who identify themselves (willingly or not) as co-dependent will have to go through a process of unraveling and processing if they want to free themselves.
“When we are in touch with our true feelings and can express them and not have to repress them, the energy to act them out at inappropriate times and places diminishes over time.”
Journaling is a way … an expeditious way … to achieve what Millar is talking about. The built-in problem in the process is that some may object to so much writing or to answering so many of the questions, especially questions that are introspective in nature.
Many love to think that their character flaws aren’t really all that glaring.
Each of us in our own time has to come to the understanding, just as I did, that my character hiccups (my obsessions compulsions or addictions) are my warped instincts in action in my life and that my own best thinking contributes to my seeing life as a painful place to be. The deeper problem lost in all this is that I see them as normal (normal=healthly??) because I do them all the time.
A conscientious examination via journaling and question answering of what it is that I do habitually will likely reveal those very defects or warped instincts that those objectionable questions are raising to your awareness.
It is possible that one can have a mind that is so closed that it does not realize that it is closed.
Here is the logic: Because you’re outward appearance does not look too badly yet, you may be surprised to find that you are in fact closed.
Many of us have buried these little blemishes deeply under thick layers of self-justification, and rationalizations.
So whatever the deficiency or activity is, know this: they have forced us into compulsive behavior and misery, and it is this we want to change.
The patterns of my own self abuse, those things that I do daily are what keep me stuck in the same old rut that I found myself in many years ago.
Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking inventory. In this connection write it out to get clear thinking and an honest appraisal. It is our first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.
It is a given that if we lost our voices to speak about our pain, then we will act it out. Conversely, as we recover and regain our ability to speak and process our deep-seated feelings, then the need to act out in order to be heard will diminish.
"It is very striking to see how ... acting out ceases when the patient begins to experience his own feelings."
Millar, Alison … Drama of the Gifted Child … Published by Harper Perennial
 Millar, Alison … Drama of the Gifted Child … Published by Harper Perennial