We must come to terms with this simple truth or forever be bonded to a hell of ‘our own’ making.

This whole problem … in all its many facets, twists and turns … seems to be embedded in the deeper and sometimes darker recesses of the mind … of the soul … It seems that both the problem and the solution are neighbours … they live nearly side by side.

The next part of the problem seems to be that these deeply embedded signposts or puzzle parts can only be revealed in the here and now … and they do so as coded symbols … somehow I was supposed to be able to read them and gleaning meaning from them before I moved on to whatever is next … but I could only move on if I could understand and integrate into my life what the inscriptions on the signposts said … It is something like reading the street signs in Moscow … there are lots of them … my problem was I never had been introduced to the proper alphabet to be able to read them …  thus my frustration lay in seeing the answers in plain sight … I  … having no idea how to interpret them or … quite simply … what the sign said.

Oh I could guess at it … but …  and many did … and many purported to know the secrets of the signs … but the truth of the matter was … everyone I ever met was in the same boat as me … they had never studied the proper alphabet either and were only guessing.  Most of what we think we need to do is only our best guess at what should happen … coupled with a little faith that what we just did was the right thing to do.

Then aspects of my humanity began to kick in … parts and places in me that I would never have guessed were a part of me … stirred … I began to learn how to trust my intuition … not an easy bicycle to learn how to ride …

I learned to listen to God’s voice as it spoke to me … I noticed that it spoke through my daily comings and goings

Discovery Made:

I discovered God paints metaphors on life to describe life to the observer … to give clues to and about the signposts … it was then that I began to notice and observe clues to the meanings of the signposts … slowly … I began to notice what it was that those signs might be saying … might … is the keyword here.

At first, I thought silly little things like God could help me find parking spots … or pick winning lottery tickets … or supply answers for the unanswerable … or provide insights to wondrous considerations.  That did not happen.  And I was disappointed … but that is life … I began to see simple things, that when added together with other simple things … became incredibly complex things that inter-depended on each other … co-existed …  co created … it was fascinating.  Just like all of us scurrying running round on the face of this planet … lost in our own particular beliefs about the whys and hereto fore’s of being here in the first place … each unaware that they are contributing to something far larger then they could possibly imagine. I wondered often … me depending on me and my special/non special concept …  that the concept I depended upon for defining the world for me … was it my special friend (?) … Could I keep it cooped up in the closet of my mind … used only on special occasions … when I felt that I needed some special reassurance that I was in fact special in someone’s eyes because I sure as hell was not special in my own? So, for a period of time, my understanding of God had to hide behind a wall or be cooped up in some closeted space … I restricted Him to only muttering clues about life to me … occasionally about life … those were my rules … not His

So what do we have here? This became a very spiritual question for me … then I noticed … here I was back to me depending on my concept of the universe and how things should be and in all probability not even being remotely connected to the Way Of Things … 

I also discovered in this process that I was very angry with God for dropping me off in this God forsaken place … my opinion again … for not always making me feel special and most importantly … not giving me the answers that I wanted … when I wanted them … it took me a long time to notice that he was giving me the answers:

… They Were Just Not The Ones I Wanted To See …