Wednesday, February 20, 2013

And Maybe Understanding for the First Time

EXPERIENCE has taught us that[1] as we begin to come from a place of deeper understanding, from a place of connection with a Higher Power or with the Way of Things, we may begin to notice that there are several truths quietly at work in our lives.
Second: there is a thought that seems almost inconspicuous in all this, yet it is probably one of the more important principles in recovery.  It also has a Catch 22 quality to it: what we believe is what we will experience, and healing takes place only in our minds, although it seems to manifest itself in other places as other things outside ourselves.  When we remove ourselves from a dilemma without resolving it to the soul’s satisfaction, and thereby avoiding the healing process contained in the resolution of that dilemma, we are not allowing the spiritual forces to prevail.  What we are doing is simply mood altering, and that is avoidance.  So the need for the process to take place will follow us around like a lost puppy dog from situation to situation.  The circumstances will be recreated again and again as the soul attempts to have us resolve these deeper conflicts it perceives as needing completion.
This seems to be The Way of Things.
I think my life is a puzzle … not a chess game as I once thought … but … simply a puzzle.
And I have to wonder aloud at times “Are there pieces missing?” … “Is this the Stattler Brother’s Deck of 51[2]?”
Thus far in my experience … if I were being honest about things … I have noticed that this puzzle is only partially completed … there really is not enough of it put together yet to really recognize what the message or the picture is … oh I can make out form … and a few things that leads me to believe that I understand … but I suspect that is my ego at work appearing to do something for me that is really beyond me for the moment.
I can’t seem to comprehend it completely … oh I can grasp the idea … I think … but the over all message seems to slide right past me.
Now it seems to be that if I can just get a few of these unfit pieces into someplace in the puzzle … actually at this point anyplace is fine with me … then my life will finally work for me the way I want it too … Round Pegs, Square Holes, Larger Mallets.
Then something that I notice begins to bother me to no end … as I begin to notice what the puzzle is saying to me … the puzzle changes … right there before my eyes … it changes and I am back to not understanding … yet again …
“Is this Eternity?”
“Am I rolling rocks up hill for ever?”
As I look back on my life’s journey … from age 65 … try it from where ever you are … have a look and write down what you see … I can honestly say that no matter how hard I strived to get to a place called “Having Everything The Way I Wanted It,” I never made it. 
On the other hand, I have noticed that during the course of doing life that Everything Is Exactly The Way It Is Supposed To Be but … and this is the big one … Most Of It Does Not Agree With Me … but of course who said it was supposed too … besides me.
So again I have to wonder aloud is it as important that I complete the journey my wayget my prizethe one that I think I deserve … or is it more important that I simply begin to do the journey and allow it to unfold before me … and for me to simply do what is next … as it appears before me … is that it?”

[1] Taken from Experience Has Taught Us – 175 Missing Pieces … number 66 … published by Bright Star Press … Neil Douglas – Tubb
[2] Counting Flowers On the Wall …  …  Stattler Bros Artist 1966 … RCA recording … 1966 

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