It’s fine to look at my past to see where some emotion or behavioural
pattern is coming from. But this has
limited healing benefits. The past can’t
be accurately reconstructed or interpreted.
So it’s pointless to ask what is “real”.
Instead, I must see all versions of the past that are in my mind and
forgive each one.
EXPERIENCE has taught us that[2] life is scripted and that we will follow those unconscious scripts as
if our lives depended on them. Those scripts have themes. Here is a collection of the most common
dysfunctional themes:
·
We use external frames of reference. We focus all of our attention on what our circumstances are or on what
our partners are doing or not doing, and then we judge our self accordingly.
·
We use our relationships as if they were
substances like alcohol or drugs. We treat people as if we were
addicted to them, and believe we can't function independently of them or
without the relationship we have with them.
·
We cannot define our psychological boundaries
readily. We don't know where we end and others
begin. We tend to take on the problems
of others as our own.
·
We try always to make a good impression on
others. This is a way in which we try to control the
perceptions of others. We are
people-pleasers.
·
We do not trust our own ideas, perceptions,
feelings or beliefs. We will defer to the opinions of
others and not stand by our own ideas and opinions, and always seek validation.
We are never really sure.
·
We try to make ourselves indispensable to others. We will
knock ourselves out to take care of things for others that these same people
could actually do for themselves.
·
We play the martyr; we learn to suffer, and we do
it gallantly. We will put up with intolerable situations
because we think we have to, or because we don’t know when enough is enough.
·
We are skilled at controlling others. We try to control everything, but usually fail
because it really is an impossible task.
·
We are out of touch with our true feelings. We distort our feelings and express them only
when we believe it is justified to do so, when we believe there is a very good
reason. As often as not, the very good reason is not the truth or the real
reason for the feelings in the first place.
·
We are gullible. Because we are not in touch with our feelings,
we lack discernment. We are bad judges of character, and will only see what we
want to see.
·
We have lost contact with our spiritual selves. We are often cut off from the spiritual side of
life, even though we work hard at appearing to be spiritual and may think we
are deeply spiritual. A little denial goes a long way.
·
We are fearful, rigid, and judgmental. Black and white thinking dominates our lives¾love me or
hate me, for or against me. Never any middle ground.
Remember this that deep within your mind you are always sensing something … it is
simply what the mind does … and it does it well … but the point of the exercise
of being here on the face of this planet … seems to be … to account for who I
am … not how I feel. How I feel may
assist me in that facet … but it is not an end in and of itself.
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