Pieces of Life

Principles of Returning Cycles

Principles of Returning Cycles

It is actually, I suspect a universal law.  The practice of returning cycles involves the means and the manner of giving and receiving with spiritual growth as both a consideration and an outcome.  What a concept.

We Get From Life What We Give Or We Reap What We Sow.

This is true enough on a regular plane of existence.  But I want more than just the commonplace or boring aspects of life.   I want a sense of connectedness with all that is; a place for me in this entire sequence of events called life that I know has meaning for me, I want something or someplace that for some reason is not full of ulterior motives or me attempting to be someone for someone else or me having to have something at the expense of someone else or myself. 

·        As I realize this, something stirs deep within me and I know clearly what I must give back to That which gives me life. 

·        I know that I have to give back what I received from life and more importantly I know that I have to give back what I took in moments of simple unadulterated selfishness. 

·        I know I must give back more then I received through either process.

·        I also know that this is not about equality or balancing old debts, for the business of balancing old debts in my mind is a cycle that creates a never ending feed-back-loop that seems to lead to salvation but simply runs me ragged. 

·        I now know that to find myself, I must add my potential, my character and my talents to the mix of things offered. I must then pass it all back to the universe, (That Which Gave Me Life), so that whomever it is that follows along in my footsteps on this path will have just the slightest bit more to work with then I did. This may be my son, my daughter, my partner, my neighbor and yes even someone I don’t know and never will meet. 

Imagine that, an unselfish act made by a very selfish soul while in search of self-fulfillment and self-actualization.  A lot of self(s) in that sentence! 

As I offer a returning cycle back to the universe I find my pride.  My sense of self!

Thus a returning cycle is not a punishment but it is the restoration to and of some social structure or form that is now enhanced by my effort rather than denigrated by my resentment.

It was observed many years ago that if mankind lived according to the principal of returning cycles, then many of the rules and laws that man has to utilize to protect himself from other men, would no longer be necessary. 

Dodging Fear

Happiness is Not

What Does Having Faith Mean To You:

What Does Having Faith Mean To You:

Having faith in…

Faith has strange mystical qualities that aren’t readily noticeable at first. 

Faith:

·                    Cannot think for itself.

·                    Does not have a consciousness.

·                    Will do what it does and go where it is directed by its beholder. 

·                    Will faithfully do whatever it is directed to do.  After all, that is its job. 

·                    Is blind.

So this business of having faith is as much a matter of where you place it, as it is a matter of having some.  This concept is important, for without the benefit of this puzzle piece in its proper place all can and will get lost for myriad lengths of time.

If you have faith in Something Unreal Or Unhealthy, you will feed the process within your ego that supports your lack of reality or your lack of health.  The simple yet often missed constant in the universe is: The Source Of The Universe, The Creator Is In Everything.  Everything that we think, everyplace we go, in all the places we can’t go, taking sides with those who are seemingly against us, in places and situations that are unfathomable, in conditions that are unimaginable and in a fashion that is impossible to relate to, but the creator is in all.

All that is, all that was and all that will be; it is indivisible ... it can’t be reduced or increased ... it is simply all ... and we are a portion of all ... the smallest cog in the wheel of life.   Not separate from but a part of ... and that the ego cannot readily accept ... in fact if there is a purpose for being here that was it ... Getting the Ego to come to terms with it is a part of all that is and not a separate segregated self unto itself ... Now perception comes into play ... this is not about what I see, this is about how I look.

The Primary Purpose

The Primary Purpose

The primary purpose of a long term interactive group is to provide a setting in which the issues of codependency emerge spontaneously ... Interactive group therapy works best when members discover themselves behaving inside the group much as they do in real life – being distrustful, controlling their feelings, sacrificing their own needs to ensure that others are taken care of, revealing only carefully chosen parts of themselves ... when they finally understand that those behaviours reflect habitual and unconscious patterns, the group can become a laboratory for experimenting with alternative behaviours ... 

Dr Timmen Cermak:  Diagnosing and Treating Co Dependency (pgs 88-89)

Primary Needs

23 Inventive Ways to Succeed

1. Delusion. They allow a healthy dose of delusion to inhabit their reality. No matter how crazy their goals seem they allow themselves to have them. They know that many of the great things that people have accomplished in life have at first seemed implausible. They offer themselves the possibility of achieving what they set their minds to and know full well that what they are after may never materialize. Having a bit of delusion is a way of maintaining hope and motivation when morale starts to get low.

2. Mirrors. They’re complete narcissists to the point where you want to strangle them. The most successful people I know will not get off of their high horse even when you attempt to knock them down. They do not stop talking about how great they are and how they are better than everyone else. It’s absolutely annoying and incredibly obnoxious, but I think it gives these people the self-confidence they need to take an idea and make it a reality.

3. Failure. Bankruptcy, deaths in the family, broken dreams and paths that twist and turn with no notice- these are common occurrences in the lives of most of the successful people I know and these brave souls face these challenges in a calm and relaxed manner. These challenges also plant the seed for deep transformation and inspiration. Most people need to hit rock bottom in order to gain enough momentum to make it to the top.

4. Other People’s Needs. Successful people believe the world is craving or will eventually need the product or service that they offer. This is a point they do not question. They consider other people’s needs to no end and strive to fulfill them. This can make them excellent lovers as well… just saying.

5. Capitalism. Successful people will most likely have a deeper understanding of capitalism than their peers. Capitalism is what will feed them, pay the bills and afford them the luxuries they are after. Capitalism is a part of “the game” so they embrace it and find a way to find their place within it, funneling abundance into the areas that they want to see develop and flourish.

6. Power. Everyone I know that is successful or inspiring is comfortable with being powerful. They command stages, seduce audiences and tackle objectives with strength. This inspires others and helps to pave a clear path for their objectives.

7. Vulnerability. They are honest about who they are and what they do because this opens them up to opportunities and people that could benefit them. By putting themselves out there in an honest way they are also able to discover more quickly how the world reacts to the gifts that they have to offer. Successful people also tend to be open about their private lives, which helps others build trust with them and their product or services.

8. Persistence. They really never give up. Many of the successful people I know are older, but their path didn’t take a turn toward success until their late 30s, early 40s or beyond. They continued to work hard and build their story and skill set until success just sort of happened.

9. Their Bodies. Their body is the vessel they inhabit on their quest for success. If not blessed with a healthy and strong body a successful person will often devote a lot of time to proper diet and exercise. Oftentimes, they work themselves to exhaustion on a daily basis. They would never be able to accomplish this if they were in poor health. They also tend to have healthy sex lives, embracing the benefits of strong sexual and emotional relationships.

10. Other Peoples’ Perspectives. They accept many perspectives; because always trying to be right is a distraction that takes energy and time from them that they could be using to achieve their goals. Having an open mind is also a side effect of their intelligence and keeps them open to new possibilities and relationships with people that could possibly bring an innovative and interesting angle to what they are working on.

11. The Unexpected. They try out different ideas without expecting any outcomes. They know that at any moment reality can change so they just live in the present. When the unexpected does happen they look at it as a challenge to approach with enthusiasm.

12. Their Inner Voice. They always trust their inner voice. They do not turn to others to validate themselves. They know their inner voice is the only voice that matters and they’ll listen to it until they day they die.

13. Self-Honesty. They are typically willing to admit when they’re wrong. They frequently look to improve any areas that aren’t working well in their personal life and their work. They spend the time to fix those things or find an expert to fix them if they can’t. Self-honesty allows successful people to offer a better product or service and allows them to continuously work towards a better version of themselves.

14. Risks. Almost every successful person I know takes huge risks. They look into the unknown with excitement, because they know that the unknown holds infinite possibility. They know you can’t accomplish anything without trying, so they go after the craziest goals they can- often not thinking about potential negative consequences.

15. Confidence. They always exude confidence whether it is in business negotiations, speeches, casual conversations or in bed. They feel confidence in themselves and wear it proudly.

16. Powerful Associations. Successful people are typically friends with other successful people. With such a broad definition of success this doesn’t mean that all of their friends are “rich.” but most of their friends will be inspiring, creative, highly intelligent or stimulating.

17. Not Getting Paid. They are willing to spend years working 70 hours or more a week for little to no pay, be it for their own budding companies or for companies that offer them important connections. They are also more than willing to invest time and energy into “stepping-stone” jobs if they believe full well these jobs will take them where they want to go.

18. Goal-Setting. They make goal lists annually, quarterly, monthly and sometimes weekly. They set realistic goals and loftier ones. By setting small goals and accomplishing them, they gain confidence, which helps to motivate them to achieve their bigger goals. They also tend to set higher goals than their peers.

19. Resourcefulness. They pursue their dreams even if they don’t have the money or resources others have told them they need. This might mean they will write an entire album using only their voice and a thrift store keyboard or maybe it means that they build their dream house out of only “found” materials. Their creativity in looking beyond their limitations often leads to genius and great success.

20. Patience. Successful people understand that things don’t just happen overnight. They are willing to get that 4 year degree, then the graduate degree, and after that a doctorate. They know that the big reward they are after cannot be won by taking shortcuts.

21. Pushing Beyond Their Upbringing. Instead of following the status quo they strive to reach beyond the confines of their upbringing. Maybe their mom wanted them to be a college professor and their dad wanted them to be a nurse, but they will do what they perceive as being “much more.” In the meantime they will most likely seem to be a disappointment to those around them, but with each small success their families start to offer more and more support pushing them further on their path to achieving their dreams.

22. Inclusiveness. The most successful people invite everyone to the party. Acting “too cool” only excludes possible customers, friends or business associates.

23. Effective Communication. They typically are great writers, speakers or conversationalists. Their ideas might be very “out there” so being able to communicate them with ease helps others to get on board. It also allows them to have excellent relationships, which nurture them and offer them a strong foundation from which they can build their success. 

A Story of Awakening

A Truth Once Gained

Happiness Is ...

Here is the observation I had noticed a long time ago; happiness is not something that happens randomly.  This thing has form and it follows rules and they seem to be:

·        Happiness does not happen because of good luck or because the fickle finger of fate picks you out for some grand event.  No one is special and conversely no one is non-special. 

·        Happiness is not something that can be purchased nor can it be controlled or for that matter caused to occur on command by some grand authority.  Although many have tried.

·        Happiness does not depend on the world about us, although conversely the world about us can affect some of the various outcomes of its occurrences.

·        Happiness seems to be more an interpretation of the world both about us and within us, with all of this being taken in some sort of strange mix or recipe that is constantly changing and is difficult to replicate.  The formula might not work the second time the way it did the first time.

·        Happiness, in fact, seems to be a condition that we must be prepared for, that we must cultivate and nurture, and then be prepared, if necessary to de­fend, but not from a place of unity but rather from a place of deep privacy¾as an individual. 

·        The variations on the happiness formulas seem to be more effective with those people who have learned to work with inner experience(s). It seems that they will, to a certain degree, be able to determine the quality of their lives as it relates to having or not having happiness.

·        The ability to determine the having or not having of the presence of happiness seems to be as close as any of us can come to causing happy to happen.  It can be a conscious decision to be or not to be, pardon the pun, but not always.

·        It also seems a given that we cannot reach happiness by consciously searching for it.  The very effort of trying to search for it seems to defeat our every effort to have or possess it.  Happiness cannot be owned; it can only be experienced.

·        Happiness seems to be the process of being fully involved with every detail of your life, subjectively not objectively. 

·        The key statement in describing the process of being involved in life seems to be as completely as possible, and completely as possible does not seem to depend on any opinion or definition of what is good or bad or how those cognitive markers of good or bad are held in the mind of the beholder.  Just because you are prepared to fight to the death for your beliefs doesn’t mean they are true.

·        Happiness seems to occur because of the intensity of the involvement with life and not in the outcomes that intensity seems to want to provide so that it could be easily seen and judged by others. 

·        Degree of intensity of the involvement necessary to induce happiness will vary from individual to individual as well as from situation-to-situation.  Thus it follows that degrees of intensity i.e. very intense to mildly intense are not markers that can determine the outcome of creating happiness.  It is just a necessary factor that varies from time to time. 

·        The Laws Of Paradox seems to affect the outcome of having some or not; for instance: don't aim for it because the Laws Of Paradox will tend to cause you to increase the size and shape of the target you have set for yourself and then at the same time cause you to miss with greater frequency.  Something like Chinese handcuffs, the harder you try the more difficult it becomes. 

·        Happiness and success cannot be pursued for their own sake.

·        Happiness and success, to be most effective must sneak up from behind and envelop us ... It is something that happens to us while we are busy doing something else … as the inadvertent, unintentional after-effect of our efforts to simply get on with the business of being ourselves and by doing whatever is next simply because it is there and needs to be done.  Then this seems to need to be taken into consideration with the effort made by the individual to be willing to work in the shadow of his or her spiritual self and then deliberately attempting to work with the spiritual forces of the Greater Way of Things.

·        Again paradox.  The Art of Trying Not to Try.

·        So how can we reach this elusive goal that cannot be attained by a direct route?  My practice and practices of the past 20 or so years has convinced me that there is a way. 

It is a circuitous path of going nowhere the long way in search of someone who was not lost and there all along … You. And it can only begin with a willingness by the participant to want to make the journey.

Specialness

Think Think Think

What it is and isn't

Your Discovery to Make

Walking Lightly

Awakening ...

On Using Potential

Double Messages

Sin is

Using a recovery Plan

Using a recovery Plan

Now is the time to begin to think about specific problems or conditions; things that need to change or be improved upon. In your journal list these conditions, and create specific goals for each of the conditions or problems. Put it down on paper what you want to have happen with these problems. Note how it - they - relate to your life now. What changes can be made now; and how life would be after you made those changes. Make it happen.

Next is the action part - Just how do I plan on getting from A to B. Map it out!

What do you really have to do? Lay it out in a format. It helps to do a diagram.

Healing from co dependence is an ongoing set of circumstances and the application of new skills that are acquired over time. For some it is an ongoing process for life. It can depend on the nature and the degree of trauma abandonment issues at the core level. This statement may not be taken as disheartening or encouraging but and I stress but, it is not a reflection of you or on you. Remember our refrigerator insight.

"This is not about who I am -This is about what happened to me” and eventually it will be about what I do with life as it arrives on my door step not what it does to me on the way by.

The journey of recovery is the experience of learning how to have my feelings and not my feelings having me.  From Reactive To Responsive.  The use of a recovery plan speeds the healing process and gives you and your fellow group members and therapist useful markers and insights.

When you feel that you have completed a phase of your recovery plan know that it is necessary to share this with others in the group, during group time. It is important to ask for validation and acknowledgment for the work that you are doing and have done. It is important to ask for support for what you are about to do.

Keep the recovery plan handy. Review it a minimum of every two weeks and revise it whenever you feel it is necessary. Share all changes. Be open to suggestion and insight others have of you. When you complete a phase rewrite it. Remember most of our pain comes from being blind-sided. That is, we are struck at some level by something we don't expect or can’t see. Yet it happens over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, my fellow group members can see something about me I can't or don't want to.

Those blind spots are the places where, if I look closely

I maybe be able to see those things I need to see to gain healing. 

Each of Us

A Healthy Relationship

These are the characteristics of a Healthy Relationship as outlined in ACIM.

They include the concepts of healthy interdependence, never independence.  St Paul said, “I find strength in my weakness”, and being inter-dependent with my fellow travelers is part of the interpretation of what he meant in that quote.

The deeper processes of the 10 healthy characteristics are compatible with all Twelve-Step programs and interestingly enough, compatible with the core teachings of the world's great religious systems, both Eastern and Western, including Christianity and Judaism.

Both the ancient and modern literature, realize Serenity is a result not a cause. First we have to discover who we are. 

The Second of the Twelve Steps says, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” wherein sanity means wholeness or completeness a sense of self.  The process of knowing who I am and how I can function in a healthy fashion with other people is the key here.

It follows then by simple progression that as we first become more aware of all the lost and split off parts of Our Self (our lower self—physical, mental, and emotional and then becoming aware of the heart, compassion and our True Self,) this becomes the bridge to our Higher Self—our intuition, creativity, compassion and God Consciousness … this is the spiritual essence of our being.

There is an ordering in all this and one happens after the other, there are no short cuts. 

Thus it follows that if we do the work of getting the hurt and shame of our false believe system out of the way, then we discover what is within and a part of us is the Divine connection.  It was always there; it just felt like it was missing. 

Put simply, this means that Spirit is in us. The process of understanding the concept of a Higher Power comes by inter acting with my fellow travelers and this leads me back home to me. It always will.  Christ said the Kingdom lay within and it does, but it is incumbent upon each of us as individuals to get off our duffs and go find it … then come to terms with something that is far deeper and more meaningful than our intellectual mind could imagine, but a part of us none the less.

The Course points out clearly that our True Self is the only part of us that can connect to God … it does this experientially not intellectually … thus this journey is not of the mind but of the heart.

A Healthy Relationship is:

1)    Is based on my love of Spirit, and my love of My True Self. (It has its origins in my individuality and in the true and proper expression of my feelings. It is something that is powerfully personal and individual but only as it is expressed in the greater situation.)

2)    I see this love in everyone. Sometimes it is hard to notice, Mother Theresa said it best:  “I see Christ in all his distressing disguises everywhere I look.”

3)    I take responsibility for my own suffering. I look within myself and I search it out and … I own it … I am proactive in my own healing and growth.

4)    I search out … address and release my shame, guilt, hurt, anger and resentments through the forgiveness process … me in combination with it releasing me from my past[1] in the present and regaining my future.

5)    I realize that Love has one graceful quality and that is Abundance, and that the scarcity principle that I had followed for most of my life is only an illusion that I dreamt up out of my own deep-seated fears. It was never a truth, but Abundance is the truth.

6)    I know that there is nothing lacking in me, That I Am A Perfect Child Of God, and Serenity is my natural state of being.

7)    I respect my positive ego and use it as an assistant in my growth[2]. The Ego is not my enemy, but my friend and tool.  It has a role in my life, and that role is to serve not to lead.

8)    I use daily spiritual practices. I have a spiritual maintenance program and I follow it. It is part of my ritual of life.  I acknowledge to myself that ritual is a necessary part of spiritual.

9)    I live and relate in the present moment or Holy Instant, the Now.

10)  In relationships, I am open and communicating, trusting, gentle, peaceful, joyful and celebrating.

---

[1] See ACIM 50 Principals #13…

[2] Also see Lazare A: Shame and humiliation in the medical encounter Achieves of Internal Medicine 147:1653-1658, Sept 1987

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